Given the Olympic bid fever here in Toronto, I thought I'd post a few events that Angelman Syndrome people and their parents and caregivers could take part in. After posting to the Angelman Syndrome List, the other parents responded with some amazing events of their own (No great surprise, since just about everybody on the list are amazing people!)
So, without further delay, we, the parents and caregivers of Angels, are pleased to announce the
(Thanks for the title, Tony!)
|100 Meter Drool (Marc)||100 Meter Poopy Smear (Marc)|
|Olympians must travel 100 meters, leaving a solid trail of drool - no breaks!||This is actually an event for Olympian Parents: Winner is the one who can clean 100 meters of poop smeared from the starting point to the finish line. The event is made more challenging because the 'track' is not linear: It can twist and turn through the living room, kitchen, inside of the fridge, front door handle, the fish tank and the stair railings|
|1000 hour howling endurance test (Marc)||200 Hug Run (Marc)|
|Another event for parents of Olympians. Entrants must endure 1000 hours of crying and howling (for no particular reason) without succumbing to the desire to build a large nuclear device. Winners must also be (relatively) sane at the end of the contest to win||Medalist in this competition wins by giving the most hugs to spectators (I think Jessica from the Vancouver conference would win this one hands down)|
|300 item chew (Marc)||Phone Book Maul (Marc)|
|Another olympian parent competition: Contestants are placed in a room with an angel and a three year old. The competition is based on how many objects the parent can snatch away from the angel as the three year old deposits them near the angel.||Angel who eats the 2500 page metro Toronto Phone book wins (Sorry guys, Liam's an easy win on this one)|
|Non-Violence Endurance Test (Marc)||G-Tube Tug-O-War (Marc)|
A somewhat controversial event, since it the winner will have successfully spoken to 1000 'specialists' and manage to NOT punch them silly after listening to whatever stupid 'diagnoses' they can offer for Angelman Syndrome. Olympics committee is not responsible for 'specialists' health :) :)
In the event of a tie, the top contenders will speak to 1000 insurance companies and have to resist becoming an international terrorist after listening to excuses for why their (insert medical need here) isn't covered.
This event is again for Olympian Parents. Winner is the parent (s) who can get a dressing over a G-Tube site the fastest while the angel does their best to yank at it. Sorry, no straighjackets allowed for the contest.
Overall Olympic winners are awarded bonus medals for retaining the highest levels of sanity at the end of the Games.
|Comic Relief Event(Marc)||Wreck the Room! (otherwise known as "i thought he was being too quiet in there") (Lulu)|
|There will be a comic relief event in which friends, relatives and colleagues of Angel Parents who have said stupid things like "You're just not doing it right" or "He'll grow out of it" will be put in a glass house with an angel for a day.||
This begins in a nice room of carefully sorted and put-away toys. everyone leaves the room, and no one can go back in until:
|Olympic Angel Proofing(Tony)||The Angel Floor Excercises (another parent event) (Laura)|
As a special exhibition for the 2000 Angelympics would be the "You thought the house was angel proofed?" where an angel is set loose in a fully furnished house and the one who racks up the most repair expenses is the winner. At which point the parents of this angel will recieve:
The parent lays on the floor and lets a 40lb (minimum!) Angel climb all over them. You're disqualified for:
You're allowed to remove eyeglasses prior to the start of the event. The last parent on the floor gets a free trip to the chiropractor!!
|The Long Rasberry (Tony)|
|Syncronized Smiling (Tony)|
|Escalator ride race (Kapil)|
|Ice cream or chocolate eating race. (Kapil)|
|The 60 meter scoot (Tony)|
|And lets not forget the GAG Gayla for the athletes (GAG stands for Grab and Giggle) (Tony)|
|Specially for angel dogs: (Lulu)||A new Comic Relief Event! (Lulu)|
|the dog who cleans the most food from the floor, chair and angel lap after a typical meal wins. (my bets are on houdini for this one) extra points for licking the angels face as mom is getting a wet washcloth for the same job... eeeeeeeeeewwww.||
In addition to living in a glass house with an angel for a day, can we put those folks who win the "stupid sayings" event up on those boards where you throw stuff at them and they fall into a tank?
They should also be subject to a tape loop of their winning entry, being played over and over again, while they're in the glass house with the angel.
|Diapering Contest (Jane)||Angel Jumping (Mary)|
|One must get BOTH sticky tabs in somewhat the correct position as angel squirms, locks legs closed, locks legs straight out and otherwise resists allowing the parent to be successful. Especially fun if there is poop involved!!||To see which Angel can jump the longest(timed) in place. Or the longest "Bunny Hop" Angel line in history!!!|
|Stand up diapering relay (Winna)||Hair Pulling (Jeanne)|
|One relayer hands the other a diaper and the first must quickly remove the wet, not soiled, diaper from the Angel and replace it with a new clean and correctly taped one in a under a minute.||This event is for angels and parents or angels and siblings. The parent/sibling with the most amount of hair at the end of the competition wins!|
|The Bread Pudding massacre (Tracy)||G-Tube scavenger hunt (Tracy)|
Turn your angel loose in the bread and cereal aisle of the local grocery store.
The angel with the least amount of cereal boxes standing and the best bread pudding recipe wins! Don't forget the milk!
|The fastest person to First NOTICE that the g-tube has just been removed by a giggly angel and thrown on the dirty floor...... Search the house for sterile gloves, syringe with saline( to inflate the new balloon), lubrication jelly and of course a new g-tube and lots of gauze to catch the mess WINS! Winner also avoids a free trip to the E.R.|
|Happiest, flappiest angel(Lulu)||Angel Eye-Poke (Marc)|
|Entrants compete by rapidly flapping their arms and smiling the whole time. Angel to reach highest altitude wins (Parents responsible for oxygen masks for angels above 5,000 meters)||For parents/caregivers and their angels: P/C-G must approach angels face with their own, while angel is in the midst of a temper tantrum. Parent with the least amount of bruises and scratches on face wins. Bonus points awarded per eyeball left intact. (No glasses, safety goggles or welding masks allowed - that's cheating!|
|Senior Olympics event: (Joan)||Pasta Distance Grab: (Joan)|
|Endurance marathon. Parents compete to see who can survive waiting for placement in a group home the longest (This isn't funny, but in the U.S., at least, it's true.)||Restrained Angels are seated in front of full plates of pasta. When the Angels are released, the parent who has placed the dish at the minimum distance beyond grabbing range wins (extra points for competing without a highchair tray.)|
|Gate Relay: (Joan)||Full body pin (for Angels with tiny younger siblings). (Joan)|
|Parents let the Angel into the house by unlatching one gate. Race across the house to the other (open) gate. Whoever gets there first wins (or loses, in the event that a trip to the emergency room is required.)||Fall on top of your baby brother or sister. Whoever keeps the baby pinned (and screaming) for the longest time before an adult arrives to free them wins.|
Synchronized Ovary Kicking (Christine)This is an unintentional event, at least on the part of the trainer/parent/family friend:
Female trainer commences training by "catching" the angels' feet as they practice kicking; It becomes an official Angelympics event when the trainer pauses to answer a question and angel continues to kick - Connecting with the trainers ovaries :)
(Bonus points are awarded if ovaries on both sides are bruised)
© 2003-2011 Internalysis / Marc Bissonnette, Beachburg, Ontario. All rights reserved.